Veronica Mars Watch-Along Week 9

[Graphic designed by the lovely Judith of Paper Riot]

HELLO FRIENDS I AM BACK TO THE KEYBOARD SLAMMING. Judith was just wonderful though, wasn't she?

So, how does this work, super sleuths? Go check out the Watch-Along kick off post for the skinny. I'll give you a second just in case...

All caught up? Good.

In case you already know the basics and just forgot what episodes are up today, here's the list:

• "Ruskie Business"
• "Betty and Veronica"

And, for NEXT WEEK:

• "Kanes and Abel's"
• "Weapons of Class Destruction"

I know I have some kind of structure KIND of going for me with all of this, but HI THE EPISODE STARTS WITH LOGAN AND VERONICA TOGETHER TALKING AND SCHEMING AND YAAAAAAAY. AND UGH HE'S SO CUTE WITH HER IN THE HALLWAY WITH THE THANKING. I just cannot deal with my Logan love. I can't. He's just so... LOGAN.

Okay. Now that my giant crush on Logan has been established YET AGAIN, let us move on...

THE NOIR
The first episode, "Ruskie Business", has not one but THREE mysteries going on simultaneously. First, there's the mystery of Logan's mom, which pretty much ends in the tragedy to end all tragedies.

I just dont even want to talk about this.

Then we find out Meg has a SECRET ADMIRER. Which sounds exciting but ends up with me ONCE AGAIN shouting: GO HOME DUNCAN (aka the REAL theme song of this show). I will say V's tactics in this particular case were pretty brilliant and I am PROUD of her for making Meg wear the corsage. I mean, who knows how THAT'LL go in the long run, but still.

And speaking of brilliance, V AND Keith are made of genius during the whole Russian mob thing. V found a guy in witness protection (should it be that easy?) and Keith and the whole thing with the car and the finding out who those guys tailing him were and the stopping V JUST IN TIME and then planning that whole thing with the police department? I can't even. Why isn't he sheriff again? OH BECAUSE THE KANES AND LIANNE MARS ARE REPULSIVE HUMAN BEINGS.

We learn a bit more about their repulsive behavior in the second episode, "Betty and Veronica", which was fun because Veronica gets to play BOTH of Archie's girlfriends AND figure out what the what is going on withe everyone's mascot. I kind of like the whole "this is about money, not school spirit" twist. Doing it the school spirit way would have been BORING. So good job there, Rob Thomas.

And now that we've covered all the smallish mystery bits and bobs, let's look at what we've learned for the bigger picture:

• Jake and Celeste's alibis for the night of Lilly's murder are that they were together in a hotel room getting jiggy with it. The reality? Jake was with Lianne who was telling Jake to leave Veronica the hell alone or she would order a paternity test and take him for millions - because not even SHE knows who Veronica's real father is. 
• CLARENCE WIEDMAN BUGGED A TEENAGE GIRL'S BEDROOM. The Johnny Depp gif from above applies here too. It also applies to the bullet point directly above. Oh, and to reinforce how disgusted I am by all of this: 

• Anyway, at this point we find out that, not only is Clarence Wiedman listening into Veronica's most personal conversations in her BEDROOM, but he's doing so in order to hunt down her mom to... kill her? I don't even know what his motives are but WHOA CREEPINESS. 
• Then we find out that OH Abel Koontz accepted money to take the fall for Lilly's murder - because OF COURSE the Kanes just wanted to protect themselves and don't actually care to catch the psycho who killed their daughter - SO HE COULD GIVE SAID MONEY TO HIS DAUGHTER. 

This show. Too much.

BRING ON THE SNARK

Veronica: "Wallace, if you do this for me we'll be Best Friends Forever. C'mon, don't you want us to be B-F-F?"

YES. This is what I clearly want from this show. THIS. And V and Logan to get married and have cute, mistrusting babies.

Logan: "Wow Sugarpuss, you've certainly been a busy little bee. Oh, she's a keeper."

Hey, if I could marry you, I'd be a busy little bee too. No, but seriously guys, SUGARPUSS.

And then, a little Leo Love:

Veronica: "You're a prince, Leo."

Leo: "Yeah, I'm writing that down."

Veronica: "Are you gonna kiss me?"
Leo: "I was thinking about it."
*KISSING*
Veronica: "Cool"

Leo: "Just so you know, in my mind, that daydream was about me."
Veronica: "Oh yeah?"
Leo: "I was a little surprised you had me in full armor but, whatever."

He really is super cute, just not for V. Sorry Leo!

Meg: "So what do you think?"
Veronica: "I look like Manila Whore Barbie."

Yeah. Just about V. JUST ABOUT.

PARENTAL PROBLEMS

Veronica: "I tell you everything."

VERONICA STOP LYING TO YOUR FATHER. NOW. I really just can't even stand it anymore. He could help you. He really could. And yet you feel like you need to just go behind his back and do EVERYTHING by yourself. You're not a superhero, Veronica, and even superheros have sidekicks, so chill the frak out.

Or maybe I need to calm down. Whatever.

THE BOYS

• Duncan: I really, really don't like you. Please just leave now. Please. I mean, you can't just stop at being a jerk to V when it comes to the whole one-on-one thing, but then you have to go and crush on one of the few people who V counts as a friend in Neptune High? Jeeze, selfish much? Although, I do like how Meg and Veronica have tried to troubleshoot this situation - NO THANKS TO YOU, DONUT.
• Wallace: He got dubbed JOCK SNIFFER for V. God, I love this boy.
• Leo: You're so cute I just want to wrap you in hugs. And your flirting tactics are adorbs as well. I just don't know how to tell you you're TOO CUTE for V. Like, she's not looking for adorbs. She's looking for... well... LOGAN. She just doesn't know it yet. ;-)
• Weevil: Weevil is actually a VERY useful character. I'm not sure how this show would work without him. Or rather, I'm sure there'd be ways around his absence but I do like it when he's tied into everything. It makes the show more interesting.
• Logan: I saved Logan for last this week because the boy makes me cry so hard. I mean, first he's all tender moments with V, MOMMY'S ALIVE! But then she's not and he has a melt down and I have a melt down and GOD do I hate Trina - both for doing what she did AND for saying what she said. That bit about the faking abuse? I can't even. And now V knows, of course, even if she doesn't know she knows. And THEN at the end of "Ruskie Business" when Logan's all EVERYBODY WANG CHUNG and I'm just like, uuuuuggggh my baaaaaaby. I'm sorry. I just can't. I love him.

This is what my first meeting with Logan would look like.

Logan gives me the case of the sads and that's pretty much all I can think about. Any thoughts on that? And do you like Leo? How about Wallace or Weevil? I guess you can like Duncan too, but, well, no. Stick with cheering for Team Keith instead, would you?

**ONE LAST REMINDER**
NEXT WEEK:

• "Kanes and Abel's"
• "Weapons of Class Destruction"