Fact: I don't like coffee. I just like saying Coffee Clutch in my best and deepest New York accent. Considering I'm a New Yorker, I'm pretty freaking good at it. So I've got my tea and I hope you have your heated beverage of choice, because it's time to gab the day away.
Recently I've had a lot of friends (my IRL friends who don't blog and will probably never, ever read this on pain of death, to be more specific) wah wah-ing to me about not having something to do or feeling left out or screwed over by someone else. Basically, they're at home and they've nothing to do and DAMMIT THEY WANT TO BE DOING SOMETHING.
To them I say:
But seriously.
You guys might not know this about me, especially those of you who've seen me out in the wild and have noted my completely and utter inability to stand still or keep to JUST ONE topic of conversation for longer than five minutes, but I could probably not leave my apartment for a solid week if there's access to the necessities (food, water, bathroom with shower...).
In general my personal philosophy is: "I can only love and deal with people if I can also have my damn space."
So. How do you achieve this Do-Nothing-Zen I have clearly perfected?
1. Have nothing to do? DON'T SCRAMBLE FOR PLANS.
Did you last minute realize you don't have dinner plans? Did someone cancel on you? Maybe your friends are having a party you were invited to/can't realistically go to? Don't panic. Take a deep breath. This is it. Your opportunity has come.
2. Head to the grocery store.
Not everyone is properly prepared for a shut in day/night/weekend. Your only trip out is to the grocery store. Pop in, grab a frozen pizza, some ice cream, maybe a stack of DVDs if you don't have any at home and other assorted odds and ends, then SCRAM.
[NB: You can also just order take out if you have a hidden stash of candy somewhere. That works too.]
3. Go home and lock the door behind you.
Seriously. Bar the door. Chain it shut. Hide the key or something. IT IS A LOCKDOWN. (A love lockdown - sorry, I'm channeling Kanye. Which is clearly always good news.)
4. Make a stack of books/DVDs/boot up your damn computer and load some TV show.
This is going to be your entertainment for you weekend on your own.
5. RELAX and DO NOT MOVE for AT LEAST 24 hours.
You are alone. There is no one around to pester you or start in with you or ask you questions or I don't even know what people do. Because as fun as people CAN be, sometimes they are the worst and no one should subject themselves to that all the time.
Look. I know a lot of people out there need to be around people 24/7. They get anxious or upset or they need to talk. But listen, you're allowed cell phones and computers during your lock in. You can be in touch with the outside world. I don't recommend it for the full detox effect, but, according to the rules, you're just not allowed to speak to anyone face-to-face. Because this is your detox. This is when you GET LAZY & BLOCK OUT THE WORLD FOR A WEEKEND.
See? There's really no reason to get worked up over not having something to do on a Friday night. Seriously. Just think of it as a blessing. An out, if you will.
Was this class helpful? Should I teach another one? What other topics should I yell about? Be sure to leave a course evaluation in the comments below!
