October 17, 2013

A Silly Story

Fact: I don't like coffee. I just like saying Coffee Clutch in my best and deepest New York accent. Considering I'm a New Yorker, I'm pretty freaking good at it. So I've got my tea and I hope you have your heated beverage of choice, because it's time to gab the day away.

This week is less of a discussion and more of entertainment for you guys.

I was talking to a friend of mine recently and I was kind of in a funny mood so I wrote out my "ideal" life as a hermit. This is probably the result of traveling in close quarters with my mom for the last week and a half.

I'm not good at close quarters. They make me cranky. I like my own space. It's kind of a symptom of living alone for the better part of my college years.

Anyway, I was talking to my friend and this is the silly hypothetical situation I created for myself. I figured this creative-writing-setting is appropriate because NaNoWriMo is coming up. But even if it's not appropriate or you're not NaNoWriMo-ing, maybe you'll enjoy this/be entertained by my insanity (AKA: Why I think you read this blog in general.)

So. Story time.

You better be excited.
I'm going to be a hermit crab with a couple potted plant and lots of books.
There will be no people. I will live on a hill and no one will ever find me.
[A cave is a good option too, but I might miss the sun. So no.]

I'll have dragons guarding my cottage.
They'll be trained to only let certain people in. They can eat the rest.
But I'll feed the dragons sheep regularly, so they'll only eat people I really hate.

Not the mailman. I like the mailman.
But the dragons can have the solicitors.
And the giants. 

I'm pretty racist against giants. They destroyed my farm of unicorns.

[This is when my friend pointed out the following: Hmm I thought that was the elves. My mistake.]
[Yes, I know, I'm lucky I have a friend who indulges my insanity.]

The elves dug holes under my house and started knocking on the floors.
I have giant voles to kill them.
I don't feed the voles, so they really eat all of the elves.

And I have my groceries delivered by carrier pigeons.
There's a cloud of like 12 of them and they each carry an edge of the net.
But the mailman brings most everything else - my books and furniture and whatever else, because I order it online.

WiFi is very important.
It's boosted by crickets that never stop chirping.
And when things break, I spray them with magical windex and it's all better - because the dad in My Big Fat Greek Wedding was more right than he ever knew.

And this is when I had to sign off Facebook. 

There's probably more to this "Gaby living alone in a cottage on a hill" scenario, but I won't be writing it until later. Until then, you can imagine what happens next. (Is there a knight in shining armor? No? I thought not.) Or, y'know, you can write your own futurist scenario. 

Are you also a hermit living on a neighboring hill a couple of miles down the road? Or maybe you have an empire of lemmings that does all of the things for you? Either way, be sure to let me know in the comments below!